Despite last Christmas only having occured 27 minutes ago, it’s suddenly next Christmas – so without further existential crises let’s launch into the all-singing, all-dancing 2024 edition of a favourite tradition for the past 14 years of my 17-year-old blog, something we can all count on, or at least, that we can all count: The 14th Annual HungryandFrozen Edible Gift Guide! With 87 recipes rounded up for you!

You don’t need me to tell you that Christmas can be a fraught time, emotionally, spiritually, financially, genetically, and geopolitically — but it’s undeniably happening. And between the bloodthirsty supermarket duopoly, the time, electricity, storage and wrapping, these homemade edible gifts aren’t necessarily cheap, and there’s certainly no moral superiority in making your own jam. But people do like food (and see the final section for non-strenuous ideas) and if, like me, you find comfort and calm in cooking, then focussing your energy on making delicious edible gifts for people can reign in some of that generalised seasonal tension. Make a list, check it twice, pour yourself a small glass of port or a fruity cup of tea, and fill the kitchen with the scent of cinnamon. If you can’t control anything else, you can at least control how much the atmosphere in your near vicinity smells like cinnamon.

This year, instead of making a mere list, I have — with the sunk-cost fallacy lodged firmly in the Mariana Trench — spent actual weeks formatting 2 x 87 (once on here, once on Mailchimp for email subscribers) individual images, quotes, alt text, and double links, and although I brought it entirely unbidden upon myself I just need to reiterate the time that went into it — however much time you’re thinking, it’s more than that. But! I love the work and the result is visually resplendent, I hope. It’s also made this blog post five million pages long; to make things easier you can jump to various sections below.

• Things in jars
  • 6 x homemade granolas
• Baked goods
  • Cakes that keep, to give away
• Novelty, no-bake candy, and sugary chaos
  • I’ll drink to that
• Ideas for the person who hates cooking

But if you want to read cover to cover – let’s get started.

Couple unsurprising caveats: This blog is 17 years old, some details and contexts and motivations (and formatting) have changed but the deliciousness remains constant; I nervously feel the need to remind you that anything that could melt should be stored in the fridge until the last minute instead of deliquescing under the tree. And once again, this post took weeks and hours and there might be a couple errors, I’m working through ’em as I notice ’em but thanks for bearing with me.

---

Part I
Things in jars

That eternal receptacle! Perfect for the most marginally tolerable of coworkers or the most highly specific loves of your life. I used to be cavalier about the sterility of said jars, but after living at home I’ve been sufficiently old-wives-taled into respectful fear for botulism. I like to think that a jar fresh from the dishwasher is as close to sterile as you can hope for; otherwise, I’d consult the internet (and with the state of google these days, while I’m complaining, it’s worth either going straight to youtube or adding “reddit” after your search term) for wise counsel.

---

6 x homemade granolas

The one called “the Best Granola” really is, but these each have their merits.

---

Baked goods

They’re baked. They’re good. Biscuits and cookies are sturdy and durable, but don’t rule out a fruity or molasses-preserved cake, perhaps wrapped in baking paper and then brown paper. Many of these have proven themselves over and over and over if you can only make one thing — ever — the pistachio caramel slice, the molasses loaf, and Nigella’s Granny Boyd’s biscuits are the stellar heroes to hitch your wagon to.

---

Cakes that keep, to give away

Making your own Christmas cake is astonishingly achievable, and having something to slice and eat while wrapping presents, stressing out, or demonstrating manaakitanga is a stroke of good fortune.

---

Novelty, no-bake sweets, and sugary chaos

And sugar, we’re going down swinging. Since dentists wildly overcharge us for their service, you might as well make them really earn it. I highly recommend the pistachio fudge and the peppermint bark — both beyond easy to make, minimal of ingredient, and immensely useful to have on hand for late night soul-bolstering or sharing.

---

I’ll drink to that

Now look, only the peppermint schnapps and old-fashioned lemonade will be ready in time for Christmas; unless you can find out-of-season feijoas there’s no point trying that recipe either, but I simply had to include them all here for the optics. If you want to get started, either give the intended receiver an IOU, which wouldn’t personally bother me in the slightest, but results may vary out there — or save it for their birthday — or next Christmas.

---

Finally, if you hate cooking — and are simply here for the sparkling prose — or if time and energy have undeniably got away on you, consider the following gift ideas. First, disabuse yourself of the notion that Christmas gifts have to be things — food gifts are nothing but upside. They have immediate practical application, they will eventually cease taking up space in the recipient’s house, and it’s a simple way to demonstrate care, appreciation, and love.

• Nice chocolates — even mid chocolate is still chocolate
• A jar of fancy peanut butter or nut butter
• A beguiling jam or three
• A jar of Biscoff
• An interestingly-shaped or glamorously Italian-origin dried pasta
• A quantity of excellent rice
• A jar of good curry paste
• Olive oil – in this economy, it really is a meaningful gift; consider a promising vinegar alongside
• Olives, sun-dried tomatoes, small fish, kimchi, and other similarly preserved items
• There are some incredibly fancy crackers on the market these days
• A box of elegant carbonated beverages
• Obvious, but wine and beer are always well-received by those who want them

It can be as simple as just buying food you know someone happily eats a lot of. They love beans? Get them beans! They love noodles? Buy them a week’s worth! I guarantee they’ll be pleased. Look, we can’t escape capitalism eating at us, especially at Christmas, but you might as well eat too while you’re at it.

---

Music lately

Kein Trink Wasser by Orbital, something about it is so — I want to say penguin rave? Bumblebee tap dance? Either way it’s incredibly diverting.

Trust a Try, by Janet Jackson, this is somewhere between rock opera and operetta and heavy metal (or at least, there is a grunty guitar involved) and all of it unsettling and avant-garde and excellent; I still remember the feeling of hearing this for the first time over twenty year ago, as a non-single it’s one of the greatest arguments for listening to albums in full instead of cherry-picking.

Secondo Coro Del Lavandaie by Roberto De Simone, there is a kind of abstract and artless aggreassion to this song, it’s the sort of music you could really achieve things to, also aggressively.

Pets by Porno for Pyros. I don’t use spotify, but Tidal sent me a half-hearted aggregation of my 2024 activity and this mysteriously contemplative song was one of my top-listened songs among a sea of the 2019 Oklahoma revival cast recording, and I’m not telling you in which order these songs were.

---

PS: Again I’m bringing your attention to ReliefAid’s Gaza Appeal. Their latest message on 30 October reports that their team are “tirelessly delivering safe drinking water daily to families facing unimaginable hardship.” Further afield, if you have paypal you could also consider donating to Gaza Soup Kitchen — in their words, “in a world abundant in resources, no child should ever go to bed hungry. Right now in Gaza, every bite is a story of resilience and hope…your donation is their tomorrow.”

Finally, here in Aotearoa you can find out more about the powerful and momentous Hīkoi mō Te Tiriti. Now is the time to write your submission against the bill, whether brief and witheringly terse or a floridly long and vituperative diatribe (guess which option I’m choosing).